Just some pictures:

Never thought my neighbourhood could look quite nice at sunset. I like that tinge of redish purple at the horizon.


This is the cool disco room of MOS (Ministry of Sound) that I went to check out with my sis and our church friends. I think pictures from this club has been wildly publicized in many's blogs at the start of the year, and well, I'm just a bit slow. The lights ON the dance floor were really chill. And there was like tens of disco balls hanging from the ceiling. It was really disco-like if i make any sense.

But honestly, I didn't really enjoy myself there. I really wanted badly to leave but my friends had other plans in mind. IN the end, I ended up going home at 4am in the morning :S And I had a movie outing the next day. I watched the Lake House and I loved it. Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves are just so magical on-screen.

This is me and Natasha after my band performance. She came to support me. So did Daffy! But she had to leave early so i didn't get a chance to take a picture with me. I'm really blessed to have friends like that!


This is me, my bro, my sis and Esther after the band performance. Me and bro's picture actually appeared on the front page of the papers today (among many others too of course, ours was a small picture on the bottom right hand side). But i'm so insulted! The article was regarding the reason why people blog is because they want to get famous. Such a ridiculous generalization. pui. If i wanted to get famous, I think i'll be working on something else more entertaining than this blog. sheesh.

But well, it was nice to have people msging to tell me that I'm on the papers and that they actually noticed! so sweet lah you guys.

This is the logo of the youth band that i'm part of. Nice right? It was done up by my sis!

But if only having a nice logo meant that the band would sound good. Someone came up to tell us that we sounded so bad that he was cringing while listening to us play. And then after, he told us not to take offence.

Seriously, I took great offence. Because, we have been working so hard, going beyond our confort zones to try and play this song and all he told us was that we sounded bad. It didn't feel like constructive criticism at all. And if everyone could use the line 'oh don't take offence to what i just said' after saying the most hurtful things to people, it just wouldn't be fair.

I went back, channeled my hurt to music and I decided that we should try another song. Hopefully it'll be better and the band isn't too demorialized to play. Our performance is tomorrow night and I decide to change the song the night before.

I'm utterly, conpletely spent.

Wanna go run and swim tomorrow. Sigh.

Because you are God's gift to me.

Of beach movies, salsa and dinner.

I had the privilege of catching The Fast The Furious: Tokyo Drift at Sentosa Beach and once again, i never believed that Singapore was so beautiful at sunset until then. Thanks to Zee Ping, he received VIP invites to this beach movie event and there were the sports cars featured in the show on showcase there too! Man... I think they should have had those Japanese car babes around too. Might have made the event even more popular. haha

The show was nice, it was an interesting feeling just watching a movie on a beach mat, with shoes off and with sand around. And a picnic basket with fruits, bruschetta and salad to boot! The movie wasn't anything special, with a very predictable ending, but the action scenes were just brilliant. Man! After that movie, I kept seeing cars 'drifting' in my imagination. Like cars locking their brakes and then negotiating a sharp bend with absoluate precision. It's cool man. I think i have a thing for fast cars (as long as I'm not in them. haha)

And then right after, Zee Ping was nice enough to drive me over to a salsa club that my friend introduced to me ( i would have so much preferred a swing club but apparently, there's none in SIngapore!! DANG. I'll set up one in the future. like Vault Lounge. NIIICCEE) and I met up with my sister who was already with three other guy friends there. It was quite a chill place, but the salsa dancers are just too good for my comfort. I felt so out of place, not to mention my sister and our friends since they knew zilch about salsa. it was hilarious though, just seeing people who didn't look at all like they knew salsa dancing like pros. I saw this guy (who looked a bit like a mouse, quite puny and badly dressed, and even spouting Hokkien like some Ah Beng :S) rule the dance floor with his partner, who was hot stuff. This visit really motivated me to get started on salsa, and even more so, to master my lindy hop and really consider opening a swing place!

Today, I met up with Natasha for dinner and we had a good chat. She's like my little sister (who always makes fun of me and plays funny games that really keep me entertained) and it felt good meeting up with her after 5 mths. In so many ways we remain unchanged, yet the dynamics of conversation were different then they were in the past. Not that it's a bad thing. We're all growing, and learning.

I'm pooped. My week has been absolutely crazy hectic and I've got huge loads of stuff to settle. It has come to my realization that I spend ALOT of time in church. I was always puzzled over at Waterloo why I had so much free time and I think I found the reason. I'm not complaining or anything but it has never sunk in that I spend (at times) 4 out of 7 nights or days doing church stuff.

My friend was once discussing with a guy friend who also knew me quite well why I was still single. His candid reply was 'she loves God too much' Wonder if those two conditions are mutually exclusive. heh.

With Daffy at the biggest man made fountain in the world (according to Daffy haha. I'm not too sure though! Maybe Asia) Well, apparently, if you walk round it clockwise three times and use your right hand to touch the fountain's water, you're wish will come true. I was too mesmerized by the water to even remember to make a wish. haha.

Was lost... and now am found.

I couldn't find my watch for two days (thought i had left it at church) and that left me very disoriented. I found myself very often checking my wrist for the time to find that it was empty.

And I felt sort of lost.

It was also strange because I never realized I was so attached to it. It was a gift from a friend and I never thought it as much, because he won a pair of watches at a lucky draw and it was out of courtesy that he gave one of it to me. I didn't want to put much significance in it as well, so as not to give out any wrong signals.

But I guess the much cliched saying is right 'you never miss the water till the well runs dry.' You don't know how to appreciate what you have until one day you find yourself without it.

I found my watch today (it was in my sister's bag!) and I completely understand how the shepard and woman feels in the parable of the lost sheep and lost coin respectively. The one thing I realized is that, when you lose something of significance to you, it's so hard to find someone else who truly understands how that feels. YOu can get sympathy easily, but not empathy, unless the person has also lost something of value to them. And the feeling of finding the lost object (or person), is priceless.

And this is just an inanimate object. What of a person?

Care for the people around you. Don't wait for them to leave before you appreciate them. My distant uncle passed away yesterday, from Stage 4 stomach cancer. During his last few days, when he was in a semi coma, there was a great in flux of visitors to him. But what's the use of seeing him when he is not conscious of the fact that you're there? Is it all an act? It may seem so, but I don't think that means they didn't care. Afterall, they put aside years of grudges to see him once more. RIP.

Crash and Burn.

I think I need a break. Or just more time in the day.

I feel like a little girl, trying to conquer the whole wide world

Everyone wants a piece of me, and I just don't know where to run

I've got work piled up to my head

All I want to do is jump into bed

And wash away my troubles with lemonade

Play hide and seek with the boy next door

And take a trip to Singapore

And imagine how i'll make the world a better place...

--> Little Superhero Girl

Me and bro, just taken today.



Me and bro 6 mths ago. :)

That's a picture taken at Mount Faber (i never knew Singapore could look so beautiful from up there!) It's a really cool place! I'm gonna go there more often if time permits. And maybe be fortunate enough to enjoy a cable car dinner? (*hint hint*)

And this is my sis with Karen. They're quite fun to be with! They're not wild or anything, but spontaneous enough to wanan try new stuff. :)

Good is good and bad is bad

I went to chill out with my sis, her bunch of friends and Jix and Brian tonight. It is a Friday night after all! It was quite fun, but it wasn't that fun with my TOTM :x heh. Well, I survive.

I've recently been very inspired by this psychologist that I've met who has been in service for 7 years. Karam, who only converted to Christianity 5 years ago, is the most personal psychologist I have met so far. He works magic with the inmates he meets, and he works magic on those who work with him professionally as well.

"I want you to draw an outline on your hand on this piece of paper. Think about all the bad things you have done with your hands: Robbing, punching, showing vulgar signs, slapping... Now i want you to turn that piece of paper over, an on the same outline of the hand, write all the good and beautiful things you can do with your hands."

"Vinny, can I ask a favour of you? The next time you see your mother, just tell her all the hopes you have in prison, all the hope you see in yourself in the future, all the hope for change. Tell her all that. Let her know what you want for yourself. And make her happy."

[stretches his hand out to Vinny. Vinny takes it] "Vinny, what did you just do?" [confused Vinny] "er, I shook your hand, sir." "Why did you do that?" "Because you gave your hand to me, sir." "Vinny, you can choose whether or not you want to accept my hand, just like you can choose whether or not to take the condemnation people are giving you here. What the people are doing is giving you something. YOU choose whether to take it or not." [stretches his hand out to Vinny once more] "Will you take it?" "No, sir." "Will you take it?" "No, sir!" "People can condemn you all you want, but if you choose to believe them, or let them get to you, you won't be able to move forward. Do you understand Vinny?" "Yes, sir!"

He goes beyond his call of duty, his job scope, to do what he passionately wants: to show love to everyone, inmates and colleagues and friends alike.

The interview with Vinny was only for the assessment of his eligibility of releasing early for work in the community, yet it evolved into a turning point for Vinny's understanding of himself, of his parents and his plans for the future. I have witnessed so many 'straightforward' interviews and expected this to be one of them. Vinny was highly neurotic and was talking non-stop, being diagnosed as having schizophrenia, then anxiety disorder/phobia and then unspecified personality disorder. It was very clear that he was unsuitable for any early release schemes for his own and the community's safety. But with Karam, every interview was not a routine thing just for the sake of writing a respectable report. He takes every interview as an oppourtunity given by God to touch the life of one that God has created. His perspective of things is so different, and that's what makes the difference.

During the interview, I felt my throat tighten and my chest well up so many times, because I could sense that the work he was doing with Vinny was so sincere, and so earnest, that for a moment, all the souls of the people in the room was experiencing just pure joy. It's so difficult to explain, and my words probably dont' give it justice, but I know one thing for sure.

I want to be like him.

I want to be able to reach down within myself, to challenge myself to remain loving, even when the world is cruel, to remain passionate about change, even when everyone is resistant to it, to remain faithful, even when others have lost faith.

Me, my sis and Barbara (my elder cousin) at the retreat. This was me after my swim, which explains my more 'refreshed' look.

Just a small picture of me and my sis. She was the one who edited the picture (to make sure that both of us look good? haha.)

Grace.

I went to Toa Payoh Methodist Church with the Psychological Branch from Prisons today for a briefing on the Yellow Ribbon Project. It was a briefing to all some of the church representatives, halfway houses representatives, and just the general church population who were interested in this project.

For those who don't already know, the Yellow Ribbon project is about unlocking the second prison. Removing the stigma that follows inmates through the greater part of their lives, when society discriminates, shuns and looks down on them, preventing them from getting a second chance to their lives and allows the cycle of crime to continue. As Mark Lee said in the movie 'One More Chance,' "the judge has sentenced me to 10 years, but you have sentenced me for life."

Throughout the talk, I was thinking about why the role of the churches was so important here. Why the Christians? Essentially, I guess my question is, what makes the church unique compared to other faith communities?

And thinking about it, I agree with CS Lewis on this: Grace. What is this grace? It is love and forgiveness, given to those who have 'no way earned it, who barely possessed the faculties to receive it.' [taken from Babette's Feast] It is an unconditional love, something one can never earn, something that is given with no strings attached, which one can never gain from doing good deeds.

Grace is unmathematical. And something that doesn't come to people naturally. You only need to look around you to see 'ungrace' being played out. Gangs fight because 'they beat us first, we need to take revenge'. Wars break out becuase 'we've got to teach this people a lesson, we are no pushovers.' Youths get thrown in to jail because all they have learnt from their abusive fathers was that violence and hate get you to places. Always 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.'

But grace puts a stop to this cycle. Grace says 'No. I will not fight back. Even if it hurts me, kills me, I forgive you. And you can keep hurting me, but I forgive you.' Such a radical notion, one of the crucial themes in Christianity, yet sadly not easily practised among us.

Amazing Grace is a song that is known by Christians and non-Christians alike. But do the people who sing it know what it truly means? I see so many similarities between us and the inmates. The difference is, they suffer more greatly for their mistakes. They are pushed to a position to admit they have done wrong, and in some cases, they know that what they have done is unforgivable. They have come to the lowest point of their lives, and have sunk so low that when grace comes to them in the form of acceptance, and love, they accept it the best. Grace is a gift. A gift only for those who truly realize that they are nothing without it. We are a fallen people on the whole, we are broken, bound by sins, though sometimes we do not suffer for them presently. We are prisoners of our bad habits, our mistakes, our sins.

Christians fall into a trap where they struggle with pride. And pride is the one thing that prevents us from experiencing Grace. And hence, prevents us from giving it to others. Gosh, i could really keep on discussing about what Grace means to me, but I don't think I can ever give it justice.

I'm gonna pick up the book, 'What's so amazing about grace' once more. It's a book one can never tire of reading.

I love you with all of my head.

I didn't realize how much of myself I had been keeping out of my consciousness. I went for a little weekend away (more like one night and a day away) away from my family, away from my work, away from my other friends, but with a few of my church friends. Friends that really have stuck with me regardless of what i've done, what i've said, what I am.

I had a good swim this morning, just myself, just before dawn broke. I did 14 laps and it really made me feel really good. I didn't think about anything, just how good it was to be in the water, with the whole pool to myself. In certain aspects, i think I'm quite a loner at times. I think i wouldn't have enjoyed the swim as much if there was anyone else with me (no offense to my friends out there, but really, to have some time to myself is really a privilege)



"Don't understand so that you may believe. Believe, so that you may understand."

I think we have become a society that seeks to find certain sensations, certain awe, certain feelings that bring pleasure to us. And sometimes, we are too short-sighted to realize that we have been chasing after things that give that only in the short term. We need to seek the source. What/who is the source of peace? the source of comfort? the source of joy? the source of suffering? the source of pain? I think that in different ways, we all seek for these answers.

Unriven.

I picked up a random book to read today. And it was actually a poetry book that my friend published back in 2003 by himself. reading through his poems and his experiences made me realize how much I didn't know was hidden behind that exterior of his. He always seemed so typical, so normal, so different from what i understood from the poems in his book. His poems expressed a side of him that I wouldn't have seen otherwise.

cry your tears. bid farewell to your memories.
i'll drown no longer in self-pity's endless seas.
someday, surely, the dew on the finest rose will disappear.
and that day, there will no longer remain a tear.
for me to shed on what's happened in the past.
the scents. the smile. those silvery eyes will never last.
they'll die away someday, like me and you.
plus visage est serieux, plus le sourire est beau.
--> 'Naivete' Rahul Keerthi

There's so much more to anyone than meets my eye. I meet so many people everyday, but do i truly know what's underneath? Do I even know what my own facade conceals?

Taken from 'Bruce Almighty'

God: Parting a soup is not a miracle, Bruce. It's a magic trick.

A single mom who's working two jobs, and still finds time to take her son to soccer practice, that's a miracle.

A teenager who says "no" to drugs and "yes" to an education, that's a miracle.

People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is *they* have the power.

You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle.


Bruce: How do you make so many people love you without affecting free will?

God: Heh, welcome to my world, son. If you come up with an answer to that one, let me know.

Who am I?

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done

Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are...

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapour in the wind...

Meaningless, meaningless, utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless...

King Solomon was known to the wisest, most prosperous, most powerful king in his time. And yet, his conclusion towards the ned of his life was: everything is meaningless.


Ecclesiastes has always caught my attention. When I was younger, it was because of its hard-to-pronounce title. Then, when I grew up, the Solomon's observations really gripped me.

Has there been any time you read something and in your head you're thinking, 'Yes! That's exactly what it is.' That feeling of 'someone understands' resonates within you. That's exactly how it is with Ecclesiastes.

And this is one book of the bible that I encourage everyone to read, Christians, non-Christians alike. In my opinion, it is one of the more philosophical books I have come across. It's one where God doesn't appear to play a speaking part; Ecclesiastes is just a book of reflections made by King Solomon and his conclusion of the matter of life.

"I denied myself nothing my eyes desire,
I refused my heart no pleasure.

My heart took delight in all my work,
and this was the reward for all my labour.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,

everything was meaningless,
a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun"

Ecc 2:10-11

"Whoever loves money never has money enough;
whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.
This too is meaningless"

Ecc 5:10

Concrete Angel

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel


'Forgiveness is the fragance shed by the violet to the heel that crushed it'
- Anon

Forgiving doesn't take away the pain. But it frees you to bless others.

But what if the person I need to forgive is myself?