It's like slowly seeing pieces of myself disappearing.

One by one, part by part. So inconspicuously. But yet when you finally see yourself in a mirror, a large part of you is gone.

And maybe because the parts that leave are small, so the person who takes them don't notice them too. Until he realizes that every small part he takes away adds on to the larger part that eventually wrenches the life out of her.

It's more blessed to give than to receive.

I haven't come to the higher level of appreciation of this.

Why am I such a dusty window, for Your light to shine through?
Why am just a tiny star, in a sky already blue?
Why do I offer everything, with my heart closed like a fist?
I wanna love You better than this...

Why do I live my life in chains, when You have set me free?
Why do I have to break Your heart before I fall to my knees?
I know it's time to change, give all I have to give
I wanna love You better than this..

Freedom.

Some people perceive this to be doing all the things they want to do. Being un-free is to be bound by rules and regulations and not doing what I want to do. Therefore, those things that restrict me, kills my freedom.

But is it?

When you do what you want to do, and it hurts yourself, and hurts other people as well, and you find yourself unable to do other things you could have done, or could have wanted to do, is that freedom?

It's like a little child, finding herself in a playground, excited to try everything at it. Sliding, climbing, crawling, jumping, running... But if the parent lets her do everything she wants to do, the child might find herself in a wheelchair, paralyzed for the rest of her life, and not being able to enjoy the joy of walking along the street to shop, to skydive, to run to her parents to greet them when they return home.

Then begs the question, who knows better? The child or the parent? Does the parent know what's best? Or maybe a better question is, does the child know better?

Doing what we want to do might mean that we end up in more bondage than we begin. I see it so often - 'I have to take the drug. Nothing else matters.' 'I have to steal that purse. The craving is too strong.' Now, who is the one who is free, and who is in bondage?

There exists an interesting paradox between freedom and rules.