I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard...

it's been some time since I felt such a moment, a pregnant pause in the air, before the dawn of some revelation, when you knew for sure that something, someone, will be affected.

'You had your fun, your pleasure. But who bears the consequence of your behavior? It's not just you, you know. It's your mother-in-law, who looks after your post-stroke husband. It's your CHILDREN. Who wish they had their mother with them, thinking their mother is in the hospital, waiting and praying for her return. Don't punish them just cause of your impulse to do something for yourself. 8 months old. and missing the attachment and love of his mother at such a critical age."

I wished I had opened my mouth.

"Don't you understand? How much grace you have received thus far? That you can still have a husband, three beautiful children, a forgiving mother-in-law? You get your fifth chance when you step out this year. Don't say there's no second chance when you squander it like a hormone raging teenage girl."

Some days your own resolve is strong
But others day you bend

It's two steps forward, one step back
And you wonder now and then..

You wonder if you'll ever really make a difference
You pray everyday, but I know that prayer will be fulfilled...

Your life, woven day by day
Is a new design, of the glory God displays
On the canvas of creation
Through the poem of history
In the pattern of redemption
Running through the tapestry
Your life in Christ can be The greatest story ever told......

The power of imagination.

Taken from an anonymous girl's diary:

"... I see how it would be like in two, five and even ten years' time. I see myself with him, in wedded bliss and with two children, and still so deeply in love. I see myself as a mother, a wife, a friend, a soulmate.... then *poof* I see myself alone, nursing a broken heart, shattered from my fantasies, because he was never in the picture in the first place. How do you break up when he was not mine to begin with?"

ouch. Poor girl.

Obligation. Is when initial passion deteriorates to fake concern and interest, and when the fickle mind or conscience prevents you from being who you are. It cheats people of who you truly are and gives them a false hope and impression that you are more noble, more caring than you are. It is the insulting status that you unconsciously place your friends at, and which the conscious friend will hurt at realization.

Don't be obliged to do anything. Not even to friends. It's not worth it cos it hurts the person more than it hurts you.

And sometimes, the hurt becomes a grudge and it never turns back from there.

Spaced out.


I was walking around town like a zombie for about 5h today. It's never happened before. I just walked blankly by people and shops and occasionally just sat down to stare.


Many things to do, many things left undone.

Picking Cherry Tomatoes

At Nami Island (Where Winter sonata was filmed). Beautiful Island, but obviously not winter time. But beautiful nonetheless. I can understand why it's easier to fall in love on this island.

Traditional Wedding Ceremony, with me and Daffy as bridesmaid. Though Daffy insisted on being the wedded couple. haha.

Sleeping on the floor. Love it.

Us with the village chief who coordinated the wedding ceremony.

Korean Calligraphy. Man. It's harder than Chinese Calligraphy. I was drawing circles and squares.

Q-ha and his friends! So nice to have met up with them. Such a fun loving bunch. Drink too much and smoke too much. Heh.

Been a while since I blogged photos. So in an attempt to make my blog seem more friendly, I've posted photos of my korea trip!

Still get affected somehow. After 3 years. Deep wounds are hard to heal. And when the face that repulses you the most happens to be the one you see in the mirror, you question your worth. And try so hard to prove it to others. It's a spiral downwards, hardening yourself on the outside, leaving your insides weak and trembling. Wish the courage can be found within to just speak out so you may understand. People deserve better. And usually do find it.

At the same place, at a different time, yet faced with the same issues and uncertainty as I did before. Do I take a step back? Do I have a choice in the first place? Can I bear to let it go? I know I can survive. But life is not just about surviving. Life is about living, and bearing God’s grace through all the troubles trusting that He knows what’s best for me. What’s best for the extension of His kingdom. And that might involve me making some choices now that will resonate through my lifetime. I can pull through, but the manner by which that happens might not be the best testimony.

It’s not about me anymore. Paradoxically, that is what is best for me. To remove myself and whatever I want from the centre of my life. I gave it up 2 years ago, gave it up one year ago, and now it seems I have to give it up again. Haven’t I grown or learnt? Why does it keep happening? Maybe it’s a sign for me to do what I should have done a long time ago. Maybe other signs have been telling me that but I just refused to believe it.

Obedience and sacrifice. The former usually involves the latter. Do I make that choice? Do I take the jump?

Disclaimer: This was written while suffering from a writer’s block in the birth of a 2 page essay I’m supposed to finish. All the stamina in writing I gained in my last semester of study all down the drain. BUCK UP KAILIN.

You think that I wanna run and hide
I'll keep it all locked up inside
I just want you to find me...

I'm not lost, I'm not lost,
Just undiscovered
We're never alone we're all the same as each other
You see the look that's on my face You might think I'm out of place
I'm not lost, no no,
Just undiscovered...

--> James Morrison, Undiscovered