little girl, Big World

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

At the same place, at a different time, yet faced with the same issues and uncertainty as I did before. Do I take a step back? Do I have a choice in the first place? Can I bear to let it go? I know I can survive. But life is not just about surviving. Life is about living, and bearing God’s grace through all the troubles trusting that He knows what’s best for me. What’s best for the extension of His kingdom. And that might involve me making some choices now that will resonate through my lifetime. I can pull through, but the manner by which that happens might not be the best testimony.

It’s not about me anymore. Paradoxically, that is what is best for me. To remove myself and whatever I want from the centre of my life. I gave it up 2 years ago, gave it up one year ago, and now it seems I have to give it up again. Haven’t I grown or learnt? Why does it keep happening? Maybe it’s a sign for me to do what I should have done a long time ago. Maybe other signs have been telling me that but I just refused to believe it.

Obedience and sacrifice. The former usually involves the latter. Do I make that choice? Do I take the jump?

Disclaimer: This was written while suffering from a writer’s block in the birth of a 2 page essay I’m supposed to finish. All the stamina in writing I gained in my last semester of study all down the drain. BUCK UP KAILIN.

You think that I wanna run and hide
I'll keep it all locked up inside
I just want you to find me...

I'm not lost, I'm not lost,
Just undiscovered
We're never alone we're all the same as each other
You see the look that's on my face You might think I'm out of place
I'm not lost, no no,
Just undiscovered...

--> James Morrison, Undiscovered


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