A million snowflakes gently fall
Yet no two are the same
The colors fill the canvas of the seasons as they change
And everywhere i look i see Your hand
Why You would love someone like me, i’ll never understand
And i’m amazed, i’m so amazed

How great You are, how small i am
How awesome is Your mighty hand
And i am captured by the wonder of it all
And i will offer all my praise, with all my heart, for all my days
How great You are...

Plugged In, Plugged Out.

I want to look to see,
Hear to listen,
Touch to feel,
And with all three,
To learn.

Behind every face you see, is a story, a life, unfolding, or waiting to unfold.

Where do I begin? Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed by things that are happening around me, things I wanna do, people that I meet, people I wanna meet.

I think that sometimes, the responsibility that I place on my shoulders is too much to take. That's not to say that I'm a highly responsible person (I have my lazy moments, too many in fact) but I think it's time I manage these responsibilities properly and efficiently.

Brain going into overdrive.

CMI. Was it necessary? Pui.

Ordinary

Sad the way we always seem to pass by one another
Hiding, so afraid of the things we might discover
Caught up in a moment that only you can live in
You never know who's giving the air that you might breathe in

If you would get to know me
Maybe you would love me
I'm so ordinary...
--> Saving Jane

Don't make me out to be someone that I'm not. I've always been this way but it seems that you have made me out to be someone else all this while. And now when you have seen a glimpse of me, you force me back into the 'me' that you have always seen me as. I'm sorry, I don't think I can do that.

...... you branded her a liar and a cheat, yet never gave her any chance to explain herself to you....

... don't make yourself out to be 'holier-than-thou.' It disgusts me to the bone and makes me think twice to tell people about my faith. Come to think about it, you have been like that ever since I met you. And you would think that someone your age would actually know better and would be more mature. You're almost my mother's age for crying out loud...

... Pray about it? Did you? When you chose to hurt her so deep that you left no room for these hurts to heal? I think it can only be summed up in one word 'cruel.' Yes. That is in essence what you did to her. You stripped her of her dignity, and sent her fragile self-ego crumbling to nothing. Why boast of your child's thoughtfulness to other people when it doesn't seem to have been inherited from you? Come to think of it, I'm starting to feel a bit sorry for you...

... I don't think it is a coincidence that your 'calling' has come to such a state now. People who have initially shared the same vision as you have all left unhappily, leaving only you to see this vision through alone. Maybe it's time you considered that too? Instead of pretending that you are the only ones doing right, evaluate what it is you, yes. YOU, are doing wrong...

... and yet in all this, I want to forgive. So that when I do meet you on the street, I don't find myself compelled to do something that will reduce me to your unscrupulous and unforgiving level. Yes. You were unscrupulous and forgiving, because I fail to see how you showed love and forgiveness in your actions. If only my conscience would allow me, harsher words would escape my mouth in my description of you..

Ah. Release.

A Pharisee

9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: 10 "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' 13 "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' 14 "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Luke 18:9-14 [emphasis own]

This sounds all too familiar. Since Sunday School, I've always learnt that Pharisees were bad people. But, I've come to realize that they are just like everyone else, fallible to self-pride and self-righteousness.

I'm sure every Christian has come through this phase, where they think that as long as they are better than the person next to them, they are 'good Christians.' They think, 'Look! I spend my time reading the bible, I kneel down to pray and worship. I tithe and give offering regularly. I'm not like the others.'

This is the kind of thinking that divides the church. WWJD indeed. I'm sure that Jesus would have done all of the above, keeping himself holy and pure before the Lord. But I'm also sure that Jesus wouldn't have used it to point to Himself, but to our Father. He wouldn't have tried to cause division in His church, let alone others' families by judging the people around with self-righteousness.

Once again, why look at the sawdust in your brother's eyes, when there is a log in ours?

Side note: Judging does not bring about understanding, acceptance or change. It only serves to hurt and strain relationships. If we truly believe in WWJD, then we would not bring people down with harsh criticism and judgement, but build them up with love.

I will remember you,
Will you remember me?
Don't let your love pass you by,
Weep not for the memories....

...

I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over,
Will it be yes, or will it be... sorry?

Happy Birthday my friend,
Here's to all the [times] we've shared together
All the fun we've had

You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
May all your dreams come true....

I bring You the scraps of my soul
You make me gold
I'm whole...

I'm so Happy for you...

I could cry.
Yeah I'm so elated,
Cross my heart and hope to die...

--> Saving Jane, Happy

...And as she cries herself to sleep each night, she comes to realize that the many faces that she's wearing washes away, and she stands before herself, trembling, vulnerable and naked.

Shes sees the scars that she has tried for so long to hide, still raw and ugly on her skin. Her body has wasted away under the armour she had used to protect herself, and what remains is just her skin wrapped around a skeletal frame. She stares herself in the mirror, and what meets her eyes is a reflection so far removed from the person she wants to be, from the person people have come to see her to be.

A pair of sunken eyes stare back at her, submerged in a pool of hurt and disappointment, jaded by meaningless acheivements over the years. She collapses to my knees, overwhelmed by sorrow of what is left of her.

No. No one must know her in this state. It would horrify them. No one should see her like this. She feebly plucked herself up and started to rebuild that armour once more. Helplessly picking up the broken pieces of what she had for so long identified with, although knowing that it would bring no comfort, only slight relief from present agony.

Then she felt a warm presence in the cold, dark room, warming her trembling body. She was not alone. She swivelled around and gasped. Standing there was a person, immersed in a brilliance. It wasn't a brilliance that was dazzling, or one that blinded people and made them turn away. It seemed to be softened by the person, making it more inviting. It aroused curiosity, but was not neccesarily seductive. In fact, it seemed to promise more pain if she were to approach it.

She shrunk away, trying to hide her nakedness, while scrambling to gather the pieces she had collected. She noticed that the person did not retreat, nor step towards her.

Just three words. Three words were enough to send her into complete oblivion. For her to drop the shattered remains of herself, to step into the unknown, to believe again.

"I love you."

It was enough. And more than sufficient.

I think I've finally gotten it. Man. I must be the most retarded person around. Takes me so long to get things.

It's time for me to practise what I preach. To walk the talk. Because that's what counts. I can say a million things that make sense and a million other things that I hope helps others, but when it comes down to crunch time, I MUST DO IT.

Why complain about love turning selfish in others when that is exactly what is happening to me? Why point out the sawdust in my brother's eyes when I have a plank in mine?

Why talk about how good the definition of love is in the bible when I don't do it? Faith without works is dead.

Why tell others that patience is good and believe that even if I don't get what I want, it doesn't matter when I don't show it in my actions?

I will love even if it kills me. I will act out and do what He wants me to even if it kills me.

Am I ready to die for Christ today?? (heehee. Private joke with my sister)

Honestly I'm not sure, but I'm working towards being sure, at least.

And when I start, I no longer live for myself. It has never been about me.

I want to be a better person. Because the love I've seen and witnessed and experienced demands nothing less from me.

To all those who love me, I thank you for showing me how to live my life.

From one to the other, and from me back to you


Thanks sis. You're one of the reasons why I'm sure of God's grace to me.

And if all else fails...

Smile

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrows
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile..

This is what happens when you're listening to music for 14h straight. Songs just come to mind and it's like you're living in a huge musical.

Smile therapy. I think I'm famous for that. hah.

In 2003/4 (can't remember which) Tim Hughes wrote the song 'Here I am to Worship' which won worship song of the year (or some award that isn't significant to me, because it's the essence of the song that counts)

In his recent album, his song 'When Tears Fall' touched me, not because of what it means to every hurt, disappointed or suffering Christian out there, but what it means to me through these past 2 years. It's a song that teaches me that no matter how clouded my vision is of the future, no matter how hard it is to see God right now through my circumstances, my soul still praises Him.

Not because of who I am and what I'm going through, but because, and only because, of who He is. His being demands it.

Not that He is some ego-centric God who wants to hear His name being praised, but because it is in our souls to stand in awe of our Creator.

When Paul and Silas were in chains in prison, they sang. I don't think it was easy, but they still sang. There's something healing about singing praises to Him and times of difficulty that our soul takes comfort in. So I will sing.

Take heart. He understands.

He gave up His riches, His glory, His status, His power, to become one of us.

To become an extremely vulnerable baby, a boy undergoing puberty, a man sent to the worst form of criminal punishment known to man at that time. He understands.

Every heartbreak, every disappointment, every pain, every hurt.

'How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turns His face away" [taken from 'How Deep the Father's Love for us', another brilliant brilliant hymn I love]

Searing - to burn, to scar

I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, i have known pain
but theres one thing, that i'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, i'll call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, i'll call You Healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour, of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me, and sustain me
My Defender, forever more

When hope is lost, i'll call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, i'll call You Healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You
Ii will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing....

--> Tim Hughes, When Tears Fall

Did you ever talk to God above?

Tell him that you need a friend to love?

Pray in Jesus' name believing that God answers prayers?

.....

Did you tell Him all your cares and woes?

Every tiny little fear he knows

You can pray that He will always hear and He will answer prayer.

.....

You can whisper in a crowd to Him

You can cry when you're alone to Him

You don't have to pray out loud to Him, He knows your thoughts

On a lofty mountain peak He's there

In a meadow by a stream He's there

Anywhere on earth you go

He's been there from the start.


He answered my prayers! And I give thanks for that.

"Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you"
Matthew 6

For me, It's you

If I ever find truth I'm gonna let you know
If I ever find faith I'm gonna sit in every bit of its afterglow
If I ever find a way to bring love here today
You better bet your life that this is what I'll say
Give it if you've got it
Get it if you don't

Take my hand in the meantime
And let's walk into the sunshine
Everybody got something that they want to sing about, laugh about, cry about
It's true

For me it's you
--> Train

This song is just stuck in my head..

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear,
Try to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
When this isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be
--> Sheryl Crow and Sting

Thanks.