If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.
What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?
Mark 8:34-36
Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
James 2:15-17
It's been a rough rough period for me. And there have been many times I thought I was close to losing it, just hanging by a bare thread, ready to snap at any time (and I did snap one time too many at those close to me. Sorry.)
I think there are a few out there praying for me, and for that, I'm grateful. I think that's what sustaining me. More and more though, I find myself gasping for breath, to find time for myself, to stop.
Stop.
Stop and just find myself again. I'm pulled in many different directions, and though I'm certain of the direction I want to head for, I seem to take the longest route to getting there.
So many questions in my mind that remain unanswered. And so little courage for me to voice them out. There's a fine line between being wise by being in denial, or by releasing an avalanche of unnecessary hurt, confusion and unpredictable consequences by confronting them.
Like a Greek tragedy unfolding, I feel like an actor putting on a mask, a mask of no expression. Because I cannot commit myself to feeling any emotion. They are too fleeting, too fickle. Yet, it's not as if I'm superficial when I laugh or cry. I want to dwell and really feel each emotion, but not get too carried away by them.
Like my professor said, I just want to incubate. Just sit and not be disturbed.
And be still. And know, He's in control.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still
And know You are God.
What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?
Mark 8:34-36
Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
James 2:15-17
It's been a rough rough period for me. And there have been many times I thought I was close to losing it, just hanging by a bare thread, ready to snap at any time (and I did snap one time too many at those close to me. Sorry.)
I think there are a few out there praying for me, and for that, I'm grateful. I think that's what sustaining me. More and more though, I find myself gasping for breath, to find time for myself, to stop.
Stop.
Stop and just find myself again. I'm pulled in many different directions, and though I'm certain of the direction I want to head for, I seem to take the longest route to getting there.
So many questions in my mind that remain unanswered. And so little courage for me to voice them out. There's a fine line between being wise by being in denial, or by releasing an avalanche of unnecessary hurt, confusion and unpredictable consequences by confronting them.
Like a Greek tragedy unfolding, I feel like an actor putting on a mask, a mask of no expression. Because I cannot commit myself to feeling any emotion. They are too fleeting, too fickle. Yet, it's not as if I'm superficial when I laugh or cry. I want to dwell and really feel each emotion, but not get too carried away by them.
Like my professor said, I just want to incubate. Just sit and not be disturbed.
And be still. And know, He's in control.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still
And know You are God.
posted by Kailin @ 7:54 AM
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